I feel like I am unable to write stuff anymore.

I’ve felt like that for a while. Maybe it’s with everything that has been going on, but I’ve found it hard to post anything on my blog or write stuff. When I have written stuff that I think might be good as a blog post, I’ve ended up not posting it. I try to challenge myself to write and publish at least two blog posts in a week. Most of the time, I can’t even come up with a paragraph of anything that I feel I could publish.

Writing used to be fun for me. I still like it, but I don’t enjoy it as much as I used to. Maybe it’s because I am trying to force myself to post something rather than let it emerge out of my brain and onto paper or a computer screen. In fact, there’s a lot of stuff I don’t feel as much enthusiasm for as I used to. Maybe it’s a sign that I’m getting old, or that I’m just stuck in a hole of misery and disappointment that I’m finding mega difficult to get out of.

The Power of Nightmares

Like in the advert for Virgin Red, I once dreamt that I blew a bubblegum bubble so big that I floated away.

That dream turned into a nightmare when a bird accidentally flew into it, popped it, and sent me falling. And then I woke up.

It did nothing to help ease my fear of heights, that’s for sure.

Writer’s (Un)Block

When I went to get my first covid jab last week, I had it in my left arm. My sister asked me why I chose to get it in that arm, seeing as I write with my left hand. I replied that I didn’t really mind as I’m not really writing anything at the moment.

I haven’t really written anything for weeks. My journal, which often has the odd messy paragraph or two of a blog idea in its pages alongside reminders of appointments and reminders to request my next prescription, hasn’t had an entry in for a few months. Even when I have had an idea for something, I end up either forgetting about it or losing interest in it before I get the moment to write it.

I thought that the various lockdowns would make me more productive on the blog front, being at home more. While it did do that for a time, come the third lockdown and the gradual easing of restrictions I had just lost enthusiasm. Not just for writing, but for other things that used to interest me.

I also fell into bad habits. I never used to keep my phone by my bed, because I thought that it would be the first thing I reached for when I woke up in the morning and therefore keep me from getting out of bed. Turns out I was right. I now turn it off and keep it in my sock drawer at night (it’s helped a bit). I’m also trying to use my phone less, turning it off for an hour or so during the day and sometimes leaving it at home when I go for a walk in order to prevent getting too obsessed over the number of steps I’ve walked.

The biggest habit I’m trying to quit though is Twitter. I decided to give it up almost a year ago as it was affecting me a lot and not in a good way. I did manage to stay away from posting on it until Christmas, when I then decided to dip in to post a message and then log out again. I went back on it properly with the aim of keeping my time on it per day to a bare minimum and not look at what’s trending. I have realised that I am once again slipping into the cesspit so I’m planning on getting out of it again before it overwhelms me like it did last time.

The Edge of 40.

I turn 40 tomorrow.

I did hope that I would at least be able to wander the non essential shops by the time my birthday came around, but I think we all knew that was never going to happen. I wasn’t thinking about doing anything big on my birthday even if were not in lockdown during a global pandemic, to be honest. I’m not one for wanting to mark my milestones with a massive party or some other big event. I was getting the “what are you going to do for your 40th?” questions from some quarters when I was 37, for goodness sake.

I wish that I had managed to get a bit further with the “Things I want to do before I’m 40” list before old Rona came along, but I suppose it just gives me more reason to try and work on them again when all this is over (because it will be, my friends). In the meantime, I will spend tomorrow indoors, in the warmth, stuffing my face with cake and watching more TV than I should be doing. However I might decide to go for a walk too if it’s not too cold.

(Also what is all this about people in my country sharing themselves walking in the snow barefoot on social media? Why would you do that?)

When is the cut off point to wish people Happy New Year?

I’m thinking it was at least a week ago, but this is my first blog post of 2021, so I suppose I can get away with it. Just.

I hope you’re all ok at the moment. Me? I’m Ok, plodding on as best I can. To be honest, I’d be spending most of January at home anyway so I’m not too bothered by being in lockdown again. I did hope that it would have been loosened a little by February, mainly as my birthday is next month (and it’s a milestone one). It’s also my friend’s birthday as well a few days before mine and we usually meet up for lunch. Just as with Christmas, we’ll be exchanging presents through the post (that was fun – and expensive). We’ve said we’ll go away for a weekend once it’s safe to. In the meantime, the celebrations will be safe indoors and maybe on the other side of a screen.

A Public Service Announcement for the UK

Don’t be a dick at Christmas, especially not this year

Don’t be a dick at Christmas, I’m making it very clear

I know that you might have to stay at home

It sucks that you might have to spend it alone

But don’t be a dick at Christmas, especially not this year.

Don’t be a dick at Christmas if you can see your fam

Don’t be a dick at Christmas, no fighting in front of your mam

Don’t moan about what you did or didn’t get

Don’t throw the remote at the TV set

Just don’t be a dick at Christmas, no matter what your tier.

Don’t be a dick at Christmas, we know it might be tough

Don’t be a dick at Christmas, we’ve honestly had enough

Of you crying ”it’s all a conspiracy!”

”It’s all down to Bill Gates and 5G!”

Give it a rest, it’s Christmas! Shut up and have a beer.

Don’t be a dick at Christmas, I’m telling you one last time

Don’t be a dick at Christmas, leave the mistletoe and whine

Don’t brag about the size of your present pile

Don’t share it on Facebook, that’s just vile

Don’t spend all day scrolling on your phone

Don’t have a drink if you need to drive home

Sorry that you can’t go to the pub

Or have twenty people round for your Christmas grub

But please don’t be a dick at Christmas, especially not this year.

Spark Posted

One thing that I’ve found myself doing a lot since I downloaded Adobe Spark Post, is using it to put down my thoughts. Whenever I’ve felt stressed, or a random idea has come into my head, I’ve tapped it in the app, playing with all the various fonts and backgrounds until I’ve found one that suits the text.

Following the news regarding my home town of Manchester this week (as well as the government voting to not extend free school meals over school holidays), I made this. A simple graphic, with a message that is short and to the point.

You know he is. He really is.

Juvenile? Yes, but it felt so good to get it out of my head.

(If anyone in Greater Manchester or beyond wants to use the above graphic by the way, feel free to screenshot or save the image however you want)

A quick question

Does anyone still blog as a hobby anymore? Or is it more for business reasons?

I ask as it seems like the blogosphere has changed a lot since I first dipped my toes into its waters. When I began in the mid 00s, first on Blogger and then later on WordPress, with a bit of MySpace in between, many of us were using it as an online diary, as a place to talk about their interests, to have a rant or share stuff they created. Now whenever I see stuff about starting blogs, it’s about how to make it a career, how to make money from it and all the new blogs I see pop up reflect that.

I don’t see anything wrong with it. I have tried to see if I can make a bit of money out of this before myself, while still mainly doing it as a hobby. You can probably tell this from my “publishing schedule” (I’m working on it, honest). I just wonder if there are still people out there who are 100 percent doing it for the love of sharing whatever’s in their heads or what they enjoy. They’re on a free plan, they don’t see themselves as influencers, they don’t have brand deals or affiliate links on their blog. They don’t plan what they’re going to post ahead of time, they just go for it when they want to.

Down

I haven’t been feeling myself today.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t been out of the house for the best part of a week, or that I was struck with the once a month curse this week. I’ve just felt really down in a way that I haven’t for a while. And tired. Really tired. Not even going for a walk earlier made me feel better, or any of the other things I like doing when in a bit of a funk.

Writing helps a little when you have an idea of what to talk about. Right now I am just typing the first thing that comes into my head into this space in the hope that something might stand out. It’s not going so well. I should know by now that I’m not so good at blogging when I feel like crap.

I’ll come back when I feel more like talking.

Brain dump

A.K.A all the things I was thinking about posting this week, plus anything else that comes into my head.

If there haven’t been enough reasons for me to feel old at the moment, it’s been twenty years since Chicken Run was released. Aardman announced a sequel this week, which they’ve partnered with Netflix for, which will likely premiere on Netflix. Maybe it’s a sign of my age, or maybe I’m being a bit of a snob, but I tend to view a film that goes on Netflix first as like the modern equivalent of a film going straight to video. Let’s be honest, while there’s a lot of good stuff on there, there is also a hell of a lot of crap. I am however sure that the film itself will be very good because Aardman never make a bad film (yes I do include Flushed Away in this)

I’m wondering whether a smart notebook would be a worthy investment. Sure I can see them as a good idea from an environmental point of view (reusable pages + ability to scan and upload notes = less paper needed), but they are pretty expensive. Then again, the price of one of the cheapest smart notebooks is probably the equivalent of at least 5 A5 standard ones and will probably last the lifetime of 50. I’ll think about it more.

I’m going to try and go a whole day without checking social media. I’ll let you know that goes one way or another.