I hate Mondays.
I hate how the mornings are so dark when I wake up.
I hate how the evenings are even darker when I come home from work.
I hate how this time of year makes me feel even more tired than at any other time.
I hate how the feeling that I’ve failed at something again.
Today I got another “what do you want for Christmas?” text. I still have no idea what I want. Well, there is something that I would like, but I’m pretty sure that neither they or anyone else could get it for me. Sometimes you find out that there are things in life you have to go and get yourself. People can help you, but it’s down to you if you want it that much (I know I am venturing pretty close to “inspirational quote BS” territory here. Forgive me).
Mind you, I don’t see why I should be so quick to hit back with a present idea for myself when a reply consisting of “what would you like?” gets a “I dunno really” in return. But it’s fine. We all know it gets harder as we get older and find ourselves earning money that we can just as easily spend on ourselves as anyone else we know.
Random thought of the day:
Katie Melua once sang that there are nine million bicycles in Beijing.
Nine Million Bicycles was released in 2005. Therefore there’s probably a few million more bicycles in Beijing then there was twelve years ago.
(I know but it was the first thing that I came up with for a blog post. At least I managed to get it in before midnight).
It’s 11:25pm as I type this. I should have posted earlier but I’ve been feeling pretty spaced out since the afternoon. Someone on my street had people doing their house up – think they were having new windows or something – and they were using an adhesive or something similar that had an extremely strong smell. So strong that it was lingering in the street hours later. To cut a long story short, the smell of things used in DIY gives me migraines.That’s why you won’t get me painting any walls unless you provide me with a very good gas mask. Just walking past the house on my way home for lunch and back to work was enough to make me feel ill. But enough about that.
I really don’t have anything today. That’s a bit crap really, isn’t it?
I downloaded Anchor onto my phone a few days ago. It’s an app that you can create and share your own audio, like podcasts and stuff. At the moment I’m at the “listening to what everyone else is doing stage”. There is a possibility I could get to the “give up after using it a couple of times and not use it again for months” stage. It is making me wonder though, if I was to do a podcast on it or publish any sort of audio, what would I do other than maybe fill it with music (seeing as you can share songs from Apple Music and Spotify on there as part of your broadcasts).
I am incredibly short on ideas at the moment for a lot of things. I do recommend the app though, if you like that sort of thing.
If life is a motorway, then I am stuck in a never-ending traffic jam while everyone else is moving forward at various speeds.
You might be able to tell that I’m not in the most positive mood today. It did start well enough. I guess every now and again, the amount of stuff you see and hear of people you know who are moving away, having a baby or getting engaged takes its toll on you a bit. Sure you’re happy for them, but you then realise that in some ways you haven’t progressed any further from where you were a year or two ago. In some ways, you may even stepped back. We carry on, work our arses off and make the best of the situation we’re in, but it doesn’t feel like we’re getting anywhere.
Maybe I should stop looking at Facebook, shut down my account. I have thought about it a number of times in the past, then decided against it as I still really wanted to stay in touch with the majority of those I know on there. The plus side is that I don’t have many people on it so my Facebook timeline isn’t heaving with every little detail of people’s lives mixed with the odd inspirational quote and stupid meme. It’s all too easy to get caught up in what others are doing that you don’t focus on what you’re doing and what you’re capable of doing.
I’m straying into self-help territory, so I think I had better end this blog now.