Things I mean to keep telling myself.

Log off Twitter. Forget Facebook. Put down your phone. Leave your computer alone. Turn off your TV. Stop reading the news. Go outside. Read more books. Visit a museum. Spend real time with friends and family. Reject the things that make you feel down. Embrace the things that make you feel good. Trust your own judgement. Don’t be afraid to look for support. Know that it’s okay to not be okay. Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel. Keep negative people at arm’s length. Stop overthinking things. Fearing the worst makes the worst more likely. Make new memories. Make the kind of memories that you can’t share on Instagram. Know that you are not your thoughts – or anyone else’s. Be the best person that you can be.

Remember that everyone is basically good and that good will always overcome bad.

Everything will be fine. Really.

 

36

I turned 36 last week. It’s been twenty years since I did my GCSEs. Twenty years since I said goodbye (and to an extent, good riddance) to high school and said hello to sixth form college and A Levels. And some of the songs and albums I fell in love with as a sixteen year old celebrate their twentieth anniversary this year.

It’s at this point that I really am feeling my age and I am cursing myself for edging another year closer to the 40 mark. But while the music that soundtracked my revision sessions may have veered its way into adulthood (I was revising in between listening to them, honest), they still sound as though they were only released yesterday, never mind in 1997. Take Mansun’s Attack of the Grey Lantern for instance, released on the 17th February 1997 and still sounds as fresh now as it did then. In fact Wide Open Space could probably be released today and be a hit. That said, it’s probably too sophisticated and out there for some of the kids today, but then Mansun weren’t like a lot of the bands around in the mid to late nineties and they certainly didn’t fit the Britpop mould either.

It’s weird how the nineties are becoming “in” again, isn’t it? I suppose for the people who were young kids in the nineties, it’s cool. For those of us who were teens and young adults in that decade, well it’s still cool but we find it difficult to believe that the nineties are considered retro now. Some of us even refuse to accept it’s so because it only feels like five minutes ago the nineties happened.

Anyway, I’m rambling now so I’m off for a lie down.

 

Five Year Plan

Now and again there are people who will ask you “Where do you see yourself in five years time?” Five years? I don’t see myself in five days time never mind five years.

And yet, there are some people who have it all planned out. They have an idea what they want to do, where they want to be, and how they are going to get it. They list out all their goals, when they are going to achieve them by, crossing them out as each achievement is unlocked. Until they hit a snag, and they start all over again. Their hard work undone by something they could not have forseen.

It’s good to make plans for the future, but I find that some things are better off not being planned in advance. I have dreams, and things that I want to achieve in life, just like everyone else, but I’ve found that spending a whole evening planning out how to achieve it is a waste of time, because you never know what will happen in between.

 

A Reminder

Today you may have woken up to the news you weren’t expecting.

Today you might well be thinking that the world isn’t as great as it was yesterday.

You might well be wishing that you could erase what has happened today from your memory. Indeed, you might want to erase the entire year so far from your memory.

And you’re probably feeling like….well….shit.

But no matter how awful things seem, and how you’re wishing that you were no longer living on this planet, it’s important to remember that there is still good in the world, that there is a glimmer of hope in even the deepest darkness and there are still things that are worth fighting for.

The awfulness will only win if we let it get to us.

Be excellent to each other.

Pokemon progress

If there’s one thing I’ve found out since playing Pokemon Go, it’s that plenty of the same Pokemon seem to creep up in all the time. In my case, it’s Pidgeys and Rattatas. Zubats pop up a lot too, but I don’t have many of those as they’re so bloody hard to catch (the one I caught the other day was a lucky shot, to be honest).

All I really want is to catch a Psyduck. Is that too much to ask?

Bank Holiday Boredom

I had thought of going somewhere today, but the weather put me off. Plus I was still a bit tired and my knee was flickering with pain again, so I ended up staying in. Maybe there was something good on TV, like an old film or something? Turned out the TV schedule was pretty much the same as on any other day. Somehow I had thought that Homes Under The Hammer and Judge Rinder would get a day off too. How foolish of me.

And so my day ended up messing with Miitomo, scrolling Twitter and making random scribbles into a notebook, which made me feel better for a bit but aren’t really anything that I would want to read back. This writers block and generally feeling uninspired isn’t going to shift any time soon, but I am trying to work my way through it.

Meh….life.

Today, once again, I looked at jobs online. Once again, I didn’t find anything and I was generally pissed off about it. How can it be that there isn’t a single thing that neither interested me or was qualified to do on Monster or any of the other job sites I was looking at?

It was then that it hit me, that I am so keen on getting out of my current job and doing something different, that I have no idea of what I want to do. I mean, I know what I would like to do, I’d like to try and see if I can make anything out of writing stuff. I just can’t see a way into doing it. And as time goes on, it seems harder and harder to try and find a way into it.

It’s strange, as at my stage of life, you should really know what you want in life, even have some of it. Truth is, I knew more of what I wanted at 25 than I do now at 35. Am I having a mid life crisis? I only thought that happened to fiftysomething blokes who buy a Harley and ditch their wife for someone thirty years younger.

In the meantime, I would really love to have a good night’s sleep at some point.