Down

I haven’t been feeling myself today.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t been out of the house for the best part of a week, or that I was struck with the once a month curse this week. I’ve just felt really down in a way that I haven’t for a while. And tired. Really tired. Not even going for a walk earlier made me feel better, or any of the other things I like doing when in a bit of a funk.

Writing helps a little when you have an idea of what to talk about. Right now I am just typing the first thing that comes into my head into this space in the hope that something might stand out. It’s not going so well. I should know by now that I’m not so good at blogging when I feel like crap.

I’ll come back when I feel more like talking.

Lockdown update part 4

Lockdown measures are easing a bit and many of the shops are opening again. While going for a wander around Primark or going to Greggs for my first cheese and onion bake in months is tempting, I think it might still be a while before I have the energy for a full on shopping trip. I don’t fear setting foot in a shopping centre, I’ve just become a whole lot lazier these last few weeks. I’ve also focussed more on getting the stuff I need rather than the stuff I want. Amazon, surprisingly has become a lifesaver for me the last couple of months, as I’ve found that things I would normally have got online from other suppliers have been much easier and quicker to get from them. I never knew that they sold certain toiletries until a near three week wait for a delivery from a well known health and beauty retailer at the height of the lockdown period forced me to source some of the more urgent items sooner.

I’ve been spending more time sorting stuff at the house, ahead of the final stages (hopefully) of the renovation. It seems like I find more magazines from years ago the more often I go. I mean, I did read a LOT of comics as a kid as well as anything that I could get my hands on bar the more grown up stuff. I’m just shocked we still had so many of them when I’m sure we were regularly recycling a lot of them up until a few years ago.

I found a sketchbook at the house from when I was about 13. Was reminded I did have a bit of drawing ability back then, even if it was mostly drawing cartoon and video game characters. My drawing skills are practically non-existent now (my sister was the real artist in the family), but I was always more into writing.

I’ve added more to my Spotify playlist because I was bored.

I’m looking forward to being able to go away again. Some might moan about “staycations”, but I love going on holidays in the UK. I admit I currently have limited options, what with having not renewed my passport yet. But even if I did have a valid one I’d still choose holidaying on home turf. It’s just how I am.

I miss my friends more than ever, but I’m feeling more hopeful that I’ll get to see them before the end of September at least.

I learned that another term for smartphone addiction is nomophobia. I’m not one to self-diagnose based on what I find on the internet, but…

My Life Story were a hugely underrated band. “If You Can’t Live Without Me Then Why Aren’t You Dead Yet?” should have been massive, as should “12 Reasons Why I Love Her” but I think we already knew that.

And that is about it for now. Hope everything is well with you.

Lockdown update part 3

Since the last time I posted:

I have been going out for walks nearly every day. Just getting outside for even a ten minute walk around the block has helped me a lot, mentally and physically.

I’m having to get used to blogging on a smartphone since I’m unable to get my laptop back from storage at the moment (long story). I still find it a bit weird, but it’ll do for now.

I’m thinking about doing a course on using Adobe Spark. I know the basics, but I’d like to know how to master it so that everything I create on it (like the image above) doesn’t scream “graphic design is my passion”. Thank God it doesn’t have comic sans, not that I would use it.

I said to my best mate that I hope I get to see her before Christmas. She answered “what year?”. Well, exactly.

Same friend also asked me if I was doing anything for my 40th next year. Mate, I don’t even feel 39 yet and it was my birthday in February.

I was nominated to do a Facebook challenge and I did it, Wouldn’t normally engage in any of those kind of challenges but it was about books so I gave it a go.

Expanded my list of people who can do one. The latest addition is people who post photos of beaches on social media to complain about people on the beach. It’s got to the point where I don’t know, or care if the photo was taken today or is a photo from years ago that’s being passed off as today. It’s ultimately about getting people outraged for likes and RTs. Bit sad really when you think about it.

I made another Spotify playlist because I was bored. I keep adding stuff to it when I’m bored, which is still quite often at the moment, as you might expect:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/53c5uIE1GFLA4zMojy9Qpp?si=u9IL3HhiSeym_6WQqc9VCQ

Have come to the conclusion that TikTok is just an app for videos of people doing the same dance routines to Blinding Lights and some Dutch song about MDMA and having sex with your dad (????)

Anyway, I hope that you are all keeping well during this time. How has your lockdown experience been?

Lockdown update

As of the 29th April, I’ve taken to writing a post by hand and posting a photo of it rather than typing it all out. Mainly out of pure laziness, but also because I don’t have my laptop at the moment. Here’s what I wrote:

In addition to the above:

I’ve started to crave Maltesers, Salt and Vinegar Square crisps, Haribo Starmix and Strawberry Hubba Bubba. Not together, obviously. Yes, I know I could go out and get them but I’m reserving my time out of the house for actual essentials.

I listened to the radio show of The Mighty Boosh on BBC Sounds. Now I’m wanting to watch the TV series again. Remind myself of the nights when BBC Three was actually on TV and I’d stay up to watch and admire this work of crazy genius (and, ahem, Noel Fielding. Well he was weirdly attractive).

I rate my mood out of five on most days as a two. Moving to a 3.5 later on in the day.

I need to get off twitter completely for a bit. Even reducing my amount of time checking it isn’t doing me much good.

Here ends the update. Hope you’re doing good.

A letter for whoever needs this right now.

Hi,

I hope this finds you well.

I know that right now things seem more than a bit weird. You might also be finding it a tad overwhelming at the moment, what with the near constant stream of information (and misinformation) that is coming through every day from media outlets. It’s natural that you will be worried about your friends and your family, especially all those who are at high risk. I know right now my own priority is ensuring that myself and my own family are safe and healthy.

If there is one piece of advice I can give to you in a situation like this is, don’t stress yourself out. Stress doesn’t just affect your mental health, it puts a strain on your physical health too. It can impact on your immune system, making you more susceptible to colds and other illnesses. So even if you don’t pick up coronavirus, you could still pick up something else. Be aware of what’s going on, keep yourself informed, keep washing your hands (it’s very important), but please don’t let your attempts at protecting yourself from this virus mess up your health in other ways. It really isn’t worth it.

In the meantime, if you’re feeling a little more anxious than usual at the moment, take time for yourself as much as possible. Also:

Mute anything or anyone on social media that is posting negativity. Better still, take a break from social media altogether, it works wonders.

Restrict your news consumption. Having BBC News 24 on all day when you’re already feeling down will just make you feel worse, as will following news sites on twitter all day. Check the news once a day, any time apart when you wake up or before you go to bed. Maybe even get a newspaper (yes they still exist) just avoid the S*n or Daily Fail.

Try a mindfulness app. I’ve found that using Headspace has helped me a lot when I have had bouts of stress and anxiety. I particularly recommend their sleepcasts if you’re having difficulty sleeping.

Sleep well. Eat healthily. Exercise. Read. Listen to music and podcasts you love, or discover new ones to enjoy. Watch your favourite films and TV. Play games. Have a go making that thing you’ve said you wanted to make but have never had the time to. If you are having to self- isolate at this time, now you’ve a chance to do it.

Be kind to your body and mind. Remember life still goes on, just in a different way from what you’re used to.

Take care.

Na…No.

I am reminded that it’s coming up to NaNoWriMo time again. I still get the emails about it a few years on from my first (and only) attempt at it. I’ve thought about trying again some time, but as each year passes I just feel more and more like I don’t have the energy or time to really make a go of it.

That doesn’t mean that I am totally against the idea of month long writing challenges. Indeed, I’ve taken on my own alternative in the past. November has seen me post a blog every day instead. Doing that every day felt a lot easier to me than writing novel chapters, even if I did run out of things to blog about near the end of the month. I didn’t do it last year and I am unsure as to whether I’ll do it this year, unless I can guarantee that at least 60 percent of them are not going to made up of me moaning that I have nothing to write about.

I did have a title for this.

Procrastination is not something I want to do. But I’ve been doing it even more so of late. I just can’t get myself motivated to do anything that I know needs doing . Maybe it’s down to currently having a lack of a routine. Maybe it’s down to my body getting used to being relaxed after such a long period of rushing around, being stressed and not having a chance to have a break. I don’t want to feel like I’m putting things off, I do want to feel like I am doing something necessary. Besides I promised myself that I wouldn’t be a lazy get.

Last week I created a list in my journal of tasks for the week. I had about three tasks for each day and I marked off each one I completed. Admittedly, I had more incomplete tasks than completed, but it was better that I managed to attempt some of them than none of them. That I made the effort to compile a list was also an achievement, I suppose.

How do you try to avoid putting things off? And how do you try to keep yourself busy?

My Brief History of Blogging: Part One

Hi. So originally I was going to make this a really short post about how I feel blogging is different these days. I ended up writing about my own journey as a blogger and it has turned out longer than I anticipated. In fact, I am still writing it. So I thought it would be a great idea to turn it into a mini series on here. I know you’re excited.

Here’s the first part of this post. Expect the second sometime later this week. Enjoy the read.

Blogging has changed so much since I started doing it back in the day. When I started, people were doing it as a hobby. It was an online diary. People used it to talk about their lives, share the things that they were up to and what interested them. They also used them to rant a fair bit and post the results of quizzes they did when they were bored and should have been doing something constructive. Or at least, I did.

In the days I first started to blog, MySpace was in existence. I didn’t sign up for a profile until about 2006 and I was probably getting on a bit to have one even then (reader, I was 25). I did post some blogs on there but not often. I thought it was a bit crap if you wanted to use it as a blog space but ok for the occasional quick ramble.

My first blog proper, was on Blogger. I’d looked at all the various blog platforms, including LiveJournal and one called 20Six but I settled on Blogger because it seemed like the easiest to set up at the time. I used the blog to post about my interests and what I’d been doing to begin with, then started to use it as a platform to let off steam about anything in the news or in my life that had pissed me off that day. Towards the end, I ended up doing various online quizzes such as “Which Muppet are you?” and “What superpower should you have?” and sharing the results as I had no idea what to write about. My first blog, which I can’t remember the name of, let alone the url, was eventually abandoned and left to float into the darkest depths of cyberspace.

 My interest in blogging, though, hadn’t entirely gone with it…

Short post

Every now and again, you may find yourself, in a random moment, thinking to yourself, “WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

I’ve had many a moment recently where I’ve been thinking this about myself. And I still don’t know the answer. I am, however, able to identify the possible ones. Like a multiple choice question, that would probably comprise of about eight options. I will update this when I find out.

This week I…

Have spent most of it without taking my anxiety medication (which I only use when I need it). There were two situations when maybe I should have done but I’m trying not to become dependent on them and only using them when I feel I have to.

Managed to do one night of sleep during the working week without waking up at 4am and struggle to get back to sleep until I have to get up.

Emailed the counselling team confirming I want to access the service. Actually emailed them twice seeing as I realised that in the first email I’d sent them I’d got part of the email address wrong.

Realised I should have used my walking stick at least once this week.

Really want to get a SNES classic mini, because I never had one and always wanted to play Super Mario World.

Found out how I might look with purple hair.

(Yeah, probably not.)