If life is a motorway, then I am stuck in a never-ending traffic jam while everyone else is moving forward at various speeds.
You might be able to tell that I’m not in the most positive mood today. It did start well enough. I guess every now and again, the amount of stuff you see and hear of people you know who are moving away, having a baby or getting engaged takes its toll on you a bit. Sure you’re happy for them, but you then realise that in some ways you haven’t progressed any further from where you were a year or two ago. In some ways, you may even stepped back. We carry on, work our arses off and make the best of the situation we’re in, but it doesn’t feel like we’re getting anywhere.
Maybe I should stop looking at Facebook, shut down my account. I have thought about it a number of times in the past, then decided against it as I still really wanted to stay in touch with the majority of those I know on there. The plus side is that I don’t have many people on it so my Facebook timeline isn’t heaving with every little detail of people’s lives mixed with the odd inspirational quote and stupid meme. It’s all too easy to get caught up in what others are doing that you don’t focus on what you’re doing and what you’re capable of doing.
I’m straying into self-help territory, so I think I had better end this blog now.
This morning I turned up to work to find a load of pigeons hovering above it. There’s often one or two sitting on the roof between my workplace and the takeaway next door, but this time there must have been at least eight of them.
They all landed on the ground as I went to open up. They started pecking at the floor. It was then I noticed that the ground around me was covered in breadcrumbs and that the person dropping them was in the flat above the takeaway.
Needless to say, I was pissed off.
Here was this individual, leaning out of their window, throwing huge wads of breadcrumbs to a bunch of feathered rats with wings. To do it anywhere would be stupid but YOU LIVE ABOVE A TAKEAWAY! YOU KNOW, A PLACE THAT SELLS FOOD! AND PIGEONS ARE A FUCKING HEALTH HAZARD! I’m sure the owners of the aforementioned establishment would rather you not encourage the little shitting machines to hang out at their place. I would also rather not have them around either, seeing as the last time someone attracted a bunch of them to there they made a nest in a hole in the takeaway’s shop sign and crapped everywhere. You’d come to work in the morning and the ground would be covered in pigeon shit as well as all over the padlock for the electric shutter panel. Yours truly had to unlock it nearly every day holding it with a tissue and sterilise it the moment I got inside. At the end of the day, you’d be closing up trying to avoid one of the little blighters dropping one on you (they dropped one on my hand as I was putting the shutters down twice. Another colleague just missed getting it in their eye).
I’m not a violent person by any means, but I see that person trying to feed the birds again I will tie them to the roof and let the flying vermin eat off them and shit all over them.
Now and again there are people who will ask you “Where do you see yourself in five years time?” Five years? I don’t see myself in five days time never mind five years.
And yet, there are some people who have it all planned out. They have an idea what they want to do, where they want to be, and how they are going to get it. They list out all their goals, when they are going to achieve them by, crossing them out as each achievement is unlocked. Until they hit a snag, and they start all over again. Their hard work undone by something they could not have forseen.
It’s good to make plans for the future, but I find that some things are better off not being planned in advance. I have dreams, and things that I want to achieve in life, just like everyone else, but I’ve found that spending a whole evening planning out how to achieve it is a waste of time, because you never know what will happen in between.
As we get into the last days of 2016, I’m just waiting for it to hurry up and be over with. Not that I think that 2017 will definitely be better mind, I’m just thinking that we could all do with a break from everything that’s gone on this year.
Whatever does happen though, I am determined to handle it a lot better than I did this year. Unliking all those news pages I had on Facebook was a good start. Next I’m going to unfollow and/or block/mute all the news pages and general accounts that seem to be spouting nothing but negativity. I’m done with feeling hopeless and angry about everything I read and hear. I know, it would probably be better to just get off the internet, if only it was easy to do that.
I guess I just want to feel a bit of hope from somewhere and I definitely want to feel a bit more positive about my life and stuff. I’m sure we all want to go into the new year feeling that.
This afternoon, in an attempt to be productive while on annual leave I looked at jobs and courses on the internet. I searched all across the areas that I was interested in, both the part time and full time, the permanent and the temporary, all in the hope that there would be something interesting that would stand out to me (and in the case of any courses, relatively cheap).
The more I looked the more I realised that any job that I was even remotely interested in was either (a) too far away or (b) wanted experience which I did not have. When I looked even more, I realised that there was nothing which I could potentially have the skills for that stood out to me at all. It was then that I wondered whether I really have any idea of what I want at all. I mean, I want to get out of my current job I know that, but what do I want to go to? And even once I know what I want, do I feel like I have a chance of getting it? The last couple of times I applied for something I thought I could get, I didn’t. The last job I applied for I didn’t get an interview. In fact I didn’t get anything bar an email from the employer acknowledging that they had received my application form. Have I stayed in my current position too long to be able to escape it? Or should I just forget about all this because I’m on holiday and I should be blocking all thoughts of work out of my head?
I guess my mind is not in the right mode for this sort of thing right now.
Yeah okay, I might be a loser.
I love my Nintendo 3DS. I have Pokemon battles with my nephew. I am addicted to Animal Crossing New Leaf and I get upset when one of my villagers leaves (you do get attached to them after a while).
I still like to collect soft toys, especially those of famous characters.
I am still far happier reading comics than newspapers.
I still love watching cartoons, both those from when I was a kid and some of the ones from today.
I see no shame in wearing Spongebob socks, or owning slippers that feature Elmo’s face.
My taste in music might not be 100% as “highbrow” as yours.
I also tend to find animated meerkats and robots that sell insurance, sofa flogging sloths and now a purple toad that loves Vimto adorably funny.
Some might say, “you need a boyfriend”. I’d have agreed with you at one time,until I realised that men didn’t need me as much as I needed them – not much.
But you know what? I don’t care, because the things that might make me a loser are the very things that I enjoy and make me happy. Why would you give up the things you enjoy in order to appease others, so long as you’re not harming anyone? I’d rather embrace my so-called “Loserness” than try to give in to ideas of what someone my age should be and like.
1. Giving my CV a massive overhaul
2. Dyeing my hair.
3. Buying a guitar.
4. Running away to London.
5. Digging out my old video camera and making vlogs.
6. Signing up for a writing course.
The reason why I haven’t actually done any of those things is because:
1. I’m on holiday and I don’t really feel like doing any career stuff at the minute.
2. The colour that I was interested in dyeing it is not available in any of the shops I’ve been in.
3. I should probably be saving my money for something else.
4. I am probably a bit too old to be running away anywhere.
5. Nobody wants to see my face or hear my voice on YouTube.
6. See reason 3.
It’s so easy to think about doing things. So much harder to go about doing them.