Ever have those days when you think everyone and everything is out to make things extremely difficult for you? I feel like I’m having those kind of days once too often. And I’m fed up of it. Along with all the feelings of being one of the only two people who is holding up their workplace.Soon to be the only one. Until the people on maternity leave come back at least.

I must have done something bad in a past life to end up being that person. Or just be that person who has shown themselves to be just so damn reliable that everyone else thinks “oh leave it to Lynsey, she’ll do it.” It’s nice to think that people think so highly of you that they let you take on so much responsibility, until you realise that they would rather let you do it because they don’t know how to do certain things, have no intention of learning how and generally just can’t be bothered. A team with few team players. I might have been working there longer than anyone else, but I do deserve a break every now and again.

Add to that over-zealous people messing us about and well, yeah I am getting extremely tired of it all.

I did some job searching earlier. They either didn’t appeal or  appealed but wanted applicants to have things that I didn’t have. If only I were old enough to retire, I’d just give up now. I’ve still got many more years of this shit to do. I’m scared that it’s going to be in the same place.

NaBloPoMo Day 3: Taylor Swift and Spotify (me being topical)

Today Taylor Swift removed all her albums from streaming service Spotify, following on from comments made in an article in which she criticised the streaming service and said that for a musician to let fans listen to their music for free was to “undervalue their art”.

While she isn’t totally wrong in saying that Spotify’s business model isn’t perfect (certainly not in terms of how much it currently pays per stream), I’d probably have more respect for her stance if she wasn’t as hugely successful as she is. Like others critical of streaming services who have withdrawn their music from them, she isn’t going to lose too much from doing it. Her new album 1989 has apparently sold well over a million copies already and she’s just announced a massive world tour. She is apparently worth around 200 million dollars, which is a HELL of a lot of money.

Taylor doesn’t necessarily need a streaming service to top up her humongous income. But while she can afford to remove her music from this outlet, there are plenty of those especially in the younger side of her fanbase who probably cannot afford her albums and would be saving up for ages to get a ticket for one of her concerts (and likely miss out altogether). You can’t necessarily blame these people for thinking that their idol might be being a little bit greedy for denying them the chance to listen to their tunes on a free (but you can pay for if you want to), legitimate platform and plenty on Twitter have been thinking this. I doubt very much that she will lose loads of fans over it though. She certainly still has the love of Spotify, who are trying to persuade her to put her albums back on there like an ex-boyfriend trying to win her back, even creating a playlist for her.

Whatever the outcome, let’s just hope that Taylor doesn’t write a song about this particular relationship.

Sorry to trouble you.

Hey Internet, do you have a moment? I know you’re pretty busy a lot of the time, what with publishing your Facebook statuses,  gazing at pictures of cats and everything, but can I talk to you for a bit?  I feel the need to get a few things off my chest – and I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone else.

So, you know those people who appear to be happy with their lot, who, whenever you ask them how they’re feeling, always respond with an “OK thanks” and who insist that everything’s fine? You know they’re lying 90% of the time, don’t you? I should know, I’m one of those people.

I’ve always been one of those people who have tried to hide their feelings, who let all their worries and frustrations build up. Thing is, there comes a point when those worries build up so much that you end up letting them out all at once. By now I should have learned not to, but it still happens. I guess it’s because I don’t want to bother people with my problems, get people involved, as they probably have their own stuff to deal with, or just think that they wouldn’t understand if I told them.

Truth is, I am not “fine” at the moment, and I haven’t been for some time. This year so far has been made up of more crap moments than good moments, and I don’t see it getting much better. For the first time in my life, I was scared that I was going to lose one of my parents, I mean really scared. The days that I was having to go into work, worrying about my Dad all the time he was in hospital, while at the same time worrying about my Mum and wishing that I was able to help her more as she was running back and forth.  When I failed to get that job I applied for earlier this year, I said I was happy that I’d got to the interview stage, seeing as I didn’t think I’d get as far as the first stage of the application. That “happiness” quickly turned into the good old feeling of rejection made worse by the fact that the whole application and interview process had been so bloody pleasant. It was like being kicked to pieces by the nicest people on Earth. I didn’t expect to get through anyway if I’m honest. Looking back, I was out of my depth throughout the whole assessment day.

Then there’s work. I’m going to say it now, I have never hated it more than I do now. I won’t go into the entire details, but basically, I don’t feel like I belong there as much as I used to.  It feels like I am not as valued as some other people I work with and that the person who I should be able to turn to for help and support don’t want to know. In fact that person seems to not want to do anything except make things difficult for me. I won’t lie, there have been one or two moments where I have wanted to tell them to stick their job and storm out.  In reality, I don’t have the guts to go through with it. I guess I’m stuck there until I find something else, which is highly unlikely at the moment.

And then to cap it all off, I have my own little health problem to deal with. Not an incredibly serious one, but bad enough to need a referral to a specialist. This problem has been with me for about two years ,but only now as it’s got really bad, is anything being done about it. When I think about how many times I’d been to the doctor about it, it annoys me that it’s only really being dealt with now. It might not have got as bad as this if I’d been referred for a scan the first time round. I just hope any treatment I get will help reduce the limping, sleepness nights and general shitty moods that I have had  since it reared its ugly head again.

While I have tried to fight it, I have got to the stage where I just feel like giving up. On everything. I see everyone I know moving forward with their lives, whether in their careers or their relationships and I am just stuck here. And whenever I try to do something about it, I get thrown back to where I started.  I can’t get a boyfriend to save my life and can’t believe that anyone would be the slightest bit interested in me  anyway, which I am fully aware adds to the problem. I’m fed up of feeling like I’m not good enough for anyone or anything, and that I am stuck where I am. I don’t know what more I can do, so why carry on trying?

I know I am going to regret writing a lot of this afterwards. I already feel like I have taken up far too much of your time. I just hope you understand why I felt like I had to write this. If you have been here all the way through, thanks for reading. And I promise I won’t write anything like this again.

I had to write this…

No matter how often I think that we live in a wonderful world, full of kind, decent people, something always comes along that reminds me that there are many heartless bastards walking among us.

Today I got one of those reminders.

In the morning, an old lady who is one of our regular customers  came into my work to get something. Ten minutes later, she came back in saying that she’d lost her purse and asked us  if she’d left it there. We hadn’t seen it, but we said we would let her know if anyone handed it in to us.

When I came back from lunch, my boss had found a purse that had been pushed through our letterbox. It was the old lady’s.  My boss and I were so glad it had turned up and we contacted her straight away. We talked about how good, kind and honest the individual who found it was, how they had restored our faith in humanity. That faith was quickly crushed again when the customer came to collect it, to find that the money she had in her purse – all £300 of it- had gone. This lady is due to go into hospital for an organ transplant and the time her purse went missing, she was heading to the post office to pay all her bills and her rent before she goes for her operation. I felt sick, but most of all I felt angry.

I’d like to think that the person who pushed it through our letter box was not the same person who helped themselves to this poor lady’s cash. After all, if you’re honest enough to hand it in, surely you’re not dishonest enough to steal from it? We’ll probably never know where it was found, who found it or how it went missing. What we do know however, is that the person who did this is one of the biggest scumbags walking this planet right now – if not the biggest.  I’m not normally the type to wish bad things on people, but I hope that the good time that he/she will undoubtedly aim to have as a result of finding this lady’s money turns into their worst time ever. Most of all, I hope they rot in hell.